


Faded Lives

by Eliante



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, In the Fade, Love, One Shot Collection, Romance, Symbolism, some AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliante/pseuds/Eliante
Summary: You are Lavellan, and Solas takes you through the memories of your many different lives together. As fate would have it, you always find him, or he finds you.A collection of short writings, each based on an affirmation. Some are AU, others are dreams in the Fade. Minor spoilers for DAI possible (will be marked at the beginning of a chapter).
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas, Solas (Dragon Age)/You, Solas/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. I am home, I am loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas carries a blindfolded Lavellan through the forest, into the depths of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: Part of this was a strange dream I had after meditating.

“Where are we going?” you ask, your eyes blindfolded and stumbling through the forest. The smell of the air had changed, it was distinctively fresh and clear now. You could tell there was a source of water nearby, the distant sound of it mixing with the birds chirping above your head.

“You will have to wait and see.” he answers softly, guiding you by his hand along the path.

“I do hope I will get to _see_ eventually” you joke, taking every step slowly and with consideration. 

When you stumble on what you think of as a tree’s roots on the ground, you almost fall but he catches you by a hold onto your hand and turns around to stabilize your body by his grip onto your waist. Swiftly he makes the decision to carry you through the passage that is not easily crossed. 

While you are on his back, you feel his hands around your thighs intimately and he is so close that you can almost taste his skin. The masculine scent, the hint of sweat; his muscular shoulders that your hands hold onto. First you had wondered why you had even agreed into letting him guide you blindfolded through the forest but now you realize you can take in all of the sounds and scents so much more intensely and are overly pleased with the experience.

You cannot hear the noises of the village and your clan anymore. All that you hear are the sounds of nature, his steps rustling on the ground, the water, the birds. You feel like you can see the sun through the opaque fabric, how it shines in from the right side onto you and in your mind, the image of both of you in the forest unfolds.

He finally sets you down, carefully, while you still hold onto him. Only slowly your hands let go of him as you notice the sound of the water in a rippling flow.

“Are we there?” you ask curiously, your fingers already on the seam of the blindfold. His answer comes in an approving hum, and it sounds like a song to you, the sweetest song you have ever heard. Meanwhile his hands move to the back of the fabric around your head, cautiously loosening the knot.

When your eyes are unveiled, you are first blinded by the glaring sunlight that comes in as expected, but soon it reveals the scenery of a large waterfall in front of you. You gasp at the beauty of the water flowing wildly off the edge and see the drop caught gently by the pool of water below. The splashes sparkle in their fall like beautiful crystals.

“Wow. Solas... This is... this is so beautiful.” you say and lean in to his side. He wraps an arm around you and chuckles.

“Do you like it?” he asks while you stand at one another’s side, taking in the natural scenery.

“Do I like it?” you ask in an ironic tone, laughing. “I want to bathe in it!”

“We can do that later. I want to show you something else first.” he suggests and takes your hand again to guide you. As you turn around, you see that the pool from the waterfall flowing into a river through the forest. You squint a little at what you see in the back and as you approach, you notice a wooden house.

“What’s this? Does someone live in there?” you ask, pointing at the rather spacious looking hut with your free hand. It stands at the edge of the forest, a steep slope behind it captures it cut-off from the land below.

“Yes.” he answers calmly, “ _We_ live in there.”

A frown comes to your face at his words. But as you enter the house, you start to understand. There is simple furniture, a bedroom, a living room. And on top of all that you are yet still overwhelmed as you see the living room’s windows giving a view past the cliff into the lush land below. 

“This is-- this is amazing. It’s so beautiful.” you say in awe and he smiles in reaction. “I can’t believe this!”

A radiant smile forms on your lips when you see the little crib in the living room and you come up to it and take your baby from it, who babbles happily at the sight of his mother. Once he is safely cradled in your arms, you see an elder woman from your clan approaching you, smiling, telling you she had taken care of him while she waited for you to arrive.

“Would you stay a while longer? We would like to enjoy ourselves and take a bath” he requests from her kindly, and she nods.

You smile at Solas, then at your son, who plays with the seam of your clothing, entirely lost in his play with his gaze firmly on the fabric.

“My lovely little boy” you say as you place a kiss to his forehead, the thin hair that is yet but peach fuzz covering the crown of his head. Then you lay him in the crib again and walk over to his father, your arms now settled uneasily into one another in front of you.

“What is it, _Vhenan_?” he asks when he sees your posture, a hint of worry in his voice. “Is there something that bothers you?”

“No, no! I just... I--” You sigh before getting the courage to voice your concerns. “It’s so awfully far from the settlement. I don’t know if this will be alright.”

“I have taken care of everything. Someone will come to our house daily, and we will go to the village when necessary. We will not lack a single thing.” He takes your hands from the crossed posture and holds them, continuing to speak in a soft tone. “But most of the time, I want it to be only you and me, and our son.”

The smile comes back onto your lips at his reassuring words and you let him guide you into the bedroom, the sturdy wooden bed already set up and made. It must have taken him a while to get all of this ready, and now you recall the days when he had been gone for hours and had not told you where he had been. You would have never guessed that you would have a house of your own, you were happy with the living arrangements in the settlement of your clan. This was more than you could have ever hoped for.

“ _Vhenan_ ” he speaks softly into your ear as he stands behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist. You lead your own hands onto his while you watch the waterfall through the window.

“Hmm?” you hum in reply, and it comes in the similar singing tune as his hum earlier.

“They always talk about the first time being special. But I believe the first time in our home will be the most special.” he whispers, lips brushing your ear, making you blush slightly.

“Everything is special to me with you.” you breathe, closing your eyes while you feel his hands run along your shoulders and arms sensually.

“And you are the most precious gift to me. You are all I want.” he replies and turns you around to him, fingers running along the side of your face. He lifts your chin, then leans in and kisses you dearly.


	2. My courage guides me, I am worthy of all things wonderful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although he would not admit it, Solas only has eyes for you. AU.

The large illuminated department store window looms before you in a mysterious and elegant presence. Outside it is dark, cold. The mannequin in the window, dressed fashionably in black, wears the pair of heels you have been gushing over for weeks. _When would I wear them? Maybe they are uncomfortable... They are so expensive_ you think while staring at the high end fashion items in the window.

Finally, clearing your mind, you step inside. It was the end of the year, you deserved something nice. The doubts you have do not matter. You deserve this.

Although you walk in with your hair styled, you feel out of place with the airs of a working class woman. The attendant at the entrance greets you, but it feels like it is out of obligation. The shop assistants smile at you, but their manners seem equally instructed. They pass you by quickly and without a word while you strip the gloves off your hands and store them in your bag. 

You do not know where to look, you look at the floor, pretend to look at all the items in the store. Then your gaze falls upon a man at the cashier. He is dressed in a black suit, his ears pointy, his head cleanly shaven. He catches your gaze and for a second there is a world where only the two of you exist. As you almost walk into a mannequin, you look away from him, and evade last minute, lowering your head in shame. Blinking to him only briefly you can see him chuckling before he gets back to filling out the form at the counter.

Embarrassed about the near run-in, you approach the wall with the shoes and find the pair of heels you originally walked in for. Behind you, an attendant approaches but before he reaches you the man from the cashier comes to his side, lays a hand onto his shoulder and tells him quietly he will be taking over.  
Automatically your hand comes forward to the long-desired shoes. As you are close enough to grasp them, the voice of the elegantly dressed man from the counter startles you.

“ _Allure_.” he states and you catch the shoe you had almost thrown over in surprise. By now you must seem terribly clumsy though you could swear you were usually not like that.

“Excuse me, what?” you ask with the shoe still in your hand, worried it would fall off if you set it back the wrong way.

“ _Allure_ , the model name. Golden heel, black leather.” he explains with a chuckle and takes the shoe from you, brushing your hand in the process. You stare at his long fingers as the beautifully cared for hands set the shoe back up. “Shall I get your size to try on?”

“Oh” you snap out of your daydream of his hands, now fascinated by his foreign accent as well. “I was just looking. The heel-- I mean, the heel is very high.”

“We have a version with a smaller heel.” He crouches down and takes out the item he is talking about.

“They are nice.” you say as he stands tall next to you again and holds it out. You take it in your hands, turn it to look at it from all sides but shake your head gently. “I don’t know. I am not sure these are for me.”

He reaches for another version of the same model again, the same smaller heel, but this time in a tone of toffee, with a faded golden heel that creates an antique vintage look.

“What would you think of these? I could bring both versions in your size.” he suggests. You take the brown-toned shoe into your hand and look at both in comparison. Finally you look up to him, and freeze. His gaze is firmly onto you, it had probably been the whole time, but you had not noticed, and you had equally not noticed how his eyes seemed to change colour subtly but mystically in the bright artificial light.

“I-- yes. I guess I could try them on.” you say and tell him your size, still mesmerized by his eyes. He nods and takes the shoes out of your hand, then politely offers you to wait on a comfortable and luxurious couch nearby.

When he comes back with the right size of both models, you are seated and wait for his initiative. He kneels down before you with one leg propped up. The two boxes he brought are opened and arranged next to him, but first and foremost he looks at you, searching your gaze.

You understand the signal and lean forward to slip out of your shoes and socks, hold up one foot in the air. Though you are embarrassed as you did not have a pedicure in ages, he takes your foot in his godly hands and with a ghostly touch covers it in the thin piece of nylon. His thumb brushes up to your ankle and it releases a tingle in your whole body. Now you wonder if this was part of the deal with high end fashion brands, or if this was part of his deal.

The shoe adorns your foot and fits perfectly. You hold up the other leg and he repeats the procedure with the shoe in the toffee colour.

“Is it your husband buying you these?” he asks casually, “They are a perfect gift for ladies of any age and a very popular pair in our current collection. A truly sophisticated choice.”

“Oh, no. I am afraid not.” you reply with a sad smile, then chuckle to lighten the mood. Both feet raised, you look at the shoes in the two different colours and sigh. They both look adorable with your coat, and you get the impression they would look adorable with any outfit.

“Might I be so free to say, Madame, both colours look exceptionally good on you.” he comments. “But the brown tone brings out your tender skin tone much better.”

There is something in his mannerisms, in the way he pronounces and chooses his words that speaks to you. Your gaze comes onto him, then back to the shoes. He finally smiles when your gaze meets his once more.

You walk around in them, turn, yes, almost dance and they still feel like the most comfortable shoes on earth. You are walking on clouds. Or maybe this is just what it feels like to be rich and desired.  
Not once he leaves your side in the process. When you inform him about your decision, he takes the package of the pair and asks you to follow him to the cashier.

This time his eyes are on the tags, on the scanner, on the box - on everything but you. You look at your gloves stuffed into your handbag. Sometimes you only had one chance in life and you did not want to leave it to luck.

The dark night surrounds you and the snow flakes fall onto your hair when you step out of the store with the black designer paper bag in your hand. It is icy cold, yet there is no wind. You take the first steps away from the store, slowly, thoughtfully.

“Madame” he calls after you and you stop in your steps. 

“Madame” he calls again when you do not turn around. He walks up to you only dressed in his suit, having rushed out without a coat to catch you in time. Finally you turn around with a subtle smile and he speaks up again. “I am afraid you have forgotten something.”

His hand shows the pair of gloves you left on the counter.

“Oh, thank you” you say and reach out to take them. Your heart beats and you are wondering if this marks the end of your exchange. As you almost take them, the man seizes your hand instead and pulls the glove over your fingers.

“What a pity it would have been if these beautiful hands had been mistreated by the cold.” he comments while letting you slip into the other glove as well. You chuckle, both of your hands now gloved, and one raised to brush away a strand of hair from your face. Your heart is still beating, you still wonder--

“Why, it must be--” He chuckles to himself, a hint of bashfulness comes to his voice. “terribly ill-considered, ill-mannered and unwelcome. But I need to take the chance. Would you let me take you out for a cup of coffee sometime, Madame? I assure you I have no other desire than to plainly get to know you.”

“Indeed, how dreadfully plain.” you comment jokingly, laughing, then shake your head. “It is not unwelcome at all. I am more than glad to accept your invitation.”

You smile. His smile is beyond words, overly bright, like that of a young boy. The soft white snowflakes from the sky land on your coat and face but in your heart all you feel is the warmth of a crackling fireplace, sparks ignited.


	3. I am safe, your soul is my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It only takes his voice to make you feel safe.
> 
> Some minor spoiler for an in-game conversation with Solas. AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried the ao3 "standard" paragraph-style but it just did not feel right for this chapter.

You see the turquoise water beneath you and realize at once you are falling. Only when you are about to hit the crystal clear surface, you become aware of your surroundings.

Softly startling you awake in your small apartment. Through the large balcony windows you can see the sun is already set. The room is dark, only the light from the city outside brightens it slightly. A strange sad feeling arises in you. An uneasiness creeps into your thoughts, some worry or doubt that you have almost forgotten about, but then you feel and see the arms around you.  
“You’re awake again.” he says softly and runs his hand over your arm.  
“Yeah” you reply without turning towards him. His warmth against your back feels too good.  
“You’re still worried about that thing that happened at work?”  
Tears come back to your eyes as you remember the almost forgotten memory.  
“... yeah” you answer and blink your tears away. 

Now you remember it all. You had come back from work and he had hugged you immediately. Solas could tell by a look into your eyes and by the tone in your voice when something was troubling you. And he always knew how to give you the comfort you needed. So you landed in bed, still in your clothes and he snuggled up to you from behind. Sweet whispers against your ear and you were lulled into a beautiful relaxing dream before you knew it.

“You want to talk about it?” he asks in a soothing tone.  
“No” you answer. “Not now.”  
“Alright” he answers and kisses the nape of your neck, then holds onto you tightly. Your hands find his to hold onto.  
“I’m sorry.” you begin quietly. “It’s always just about me. How has your day been?”  
“There is nothing to be sorry about.” he assures you instantly and nuzzles against your neck affectionately. “It was a long day, and felt even longer because all I looked forward to was to have you back in my arms.”  
“Sounds like you don’t want to talk about it either.” you conclude with a chuckle. He chuckles as well, then sighs.  
“I’m just happy to be with you now. It’s all that matters to me.” he confesses.  
“Yeah. But aren’t you worried sometimes?”  
“About what?” he asks.  
“About how all of this is going to continue.”  
“As long as you are with me, I don’t care. For all I care I can happily die any day as long as you are by my side.”  
“Why” You squeeze his hand in reassurance. “I wouldn’t want you to die. I’d be left all alone here.”  
“Yes, indeed.” He squeezes your hand with equally gentle pressure. “That would be my only regret. To leave you alone. I would ask you to join me, but wouldn’t that be even more cruel?”  
“No” you breathe, taking his hand and pulling it across your chest to hold onto it. “For all _I_ care I would live in hell with you - better in hell with you than utterly alone on earth.”  
“You know what to say to make a man happy” he says with a smile and places a kiss to your ear.

“I’m not just saying it, Solas” You are smiling as well but your tone carries depth. “I felt so alone before I met you. Alone is not even the word to describe it. I felt -- disconnected.”  
“Alienated?” he wonders.  
“Yes! Yes...” you say enthusiastically but blink your tears away once more. It was like he could read your mind. “ _I don’t belong here. I just don’t belong here._ Is what I kept thinking.”  
“ _This doesn’t seem right. Something is wrong. It doesn’t feel real._ ” he continues your past trail of thought.  
“Yes, yes” You nod, but close your eyes as you feel the memories emerge. “I could never really understand it. Until I met you.”  
“It was the same for me.” he admits and sinks into the curve between your neck and shoulder. “I feel deeply connected with you. You act with such profound understanding of the world around you.”  
“You too.” You chuckle as your answer comes out awfully plain.

As your hands shift and move against his, you are reminded of the ring on your finger; your engagement ring. The large oval-shaped diamond stands out almost majestically and its clearness is accompanied by a delicate green-turquoise tint that is especially rare. It represents everything you have with him.  
”Can you believe it’s called _Anchor_?” Solas asks as he notices you holding out your hand and eyeing it.  
”Because it’s so heavy?” You laugh.  
”I reckon because of its natural tint, too. It’s supposed to remind one of the sea.” Solas takes your hand in a way that lets him see the ring better in the dark. He looks at it for a while before he lets his thumb gently caress the back of your hand, then he sets it down. You turn around to him and decide to wrap your arms around his neck.  
”You are my anchor, Solas.” You smile at him sweetly, one of your hands comes to frame the side of his face. ”You keep me grounded, I don’t know what I would do without you.”  
”No, you are mine.” He holds you by the waist, his grip on you just firm enough. ”You are everything to me. I love you, my heart.”


	4. My soul is free, I do not let fear stop me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas invites you to an unexpected journey.
> 
> Canon-compliant chapter with minor spoilers for the feelings conveyed throughout the Solas romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Some inspiration taken from the movie Motherland/Rodina.)

It was an expedition of your own, to which Solas had invited you and you were more than happy to come along. It was unusual for him to ask you out like that, and you knew if you had asked him upfront what the occasion was, he would have evaded you. So you decided to wait and see, and ask him at a later time when you were both on your way.

But the opportunity had not come. Although Solas had refused it, Cullen had insisted on sending a few of his troops to accompany you to the Hinterlands, at least past the point where the rebel mages were said to be present. Only once you were past that point and they had assured your safety, they left you alone with your mage companion. By that time it was already dusk and you had to set up camp at a quiet spot.

“It makes one wonder if they are in the right mind” Solas says, sitting by the campfire idly to your left with a distance between you, just enough to look at each other comfortably.

“In the right mind? About what?” you inquire, secretly wondering if he only waited for you to invite him into lamenting the matter.

“Why, even if they dissolved the rebel mages’ camps now, what would prevent them from finding refugee nearby just about tomorrow?”

You tilt your head, contemplating. Indeed the same thought had crossed your mind as well.

“They would have preferred to stay with us, I think, but there is the dilemma of privacy.” you conclude and shyly look over to him, “Manners... civility.”

“Civility? What the Templars have done in the past is far off from civility.” Solas shakes his head for emphasis, looking at you, awaiting your reply. You want to humour him on one hand, on the other you knew this discussion would find no end once you had it started.

“You’re looking for a philosophical debate, I see?”

“No --” The elven man suddenly frowns, seemingly at his own behaviour. “I apologize, _Vhenan_. My lamenting of the matter is not why we came. Though I do enjoy engaging in every sort of debate with you.”

As his features soften with every spoken word, you shift closer to him until you are seated right next to him.

“I enjoy listening you, as well as every discussion you initiate.” you state with the sweetest smile. “But tell me, why _did_ we come?”

Solas’ hands settle on the ground and he leans back to look at you more comfortably.

“There is a certain magical energy here that I wanted to investigate further.” he explains, and you are almost disappointed as you hear it, but then he continues. “And indeed, I wanted to be alone with you for once.”

A grin comes to your lips as you wonder if that was why he was so upset about the Templars not leaving your side earlier. It must have been.

“You don’t know how much I appreciate that. Sometimes I wish it would be just you and me. You and me, wherever we go.” you say and Solas watches you carefully, though there is no signs of him approving or disapproving. “Say, have you ever wondered about escaping society? All people, all civilization?”

“You mean to live a life under the Qun?” he asks and you laugh, shaking your head. Whenever Solas made a joke, it came so unexpected and with such a neutral expression that it always took you a moment to notice it.

“No, no. I mean literally leaving everything behind.”

“All worldly matters?” he inquires. “Is it you now, who is looking for a philosophical debate, _Vhenan_?”

“Not at all. I am honestly curious about your inclination. Hypothetically or not.”

The mage takes a deep breath and when he lets it out, he turns his attention towards the campfire.

“I have been alone for a long time. For a change, I welcome having someone around. Even more so” He lowers his leg to the ground for stability, then searches your hand and places his own atop of it. “I did not expect to have meet someone who takes the time to understand me. I do not care if we are alone or surrounded by civilization, as you call it, what matters is that your heart is with me.”

“What a beautiful sentiment.” An involuntary smile comes back to your lips as your soul is carried away by his words. “Would you like to discuss this further in the Inquisitor’s tent?” you ask in a manner almost too formal. He leans over slowly, one hand each settled on the sides of your body as his lips meet yours and he takes you to the place where you want to be.

* * *

“Fear, Inquisitor, is what keeps us in one place far too long. Do not let it guide you.” the elven mage explains while you are out of breath from today’s hike that turned out longer and more arduous than you expected. He holds out his hand and, when you take it, pulls you up as you climb over the rocks. When you are on one level with him, you meet his gaze and are at once close to blushing at how straight he stares into you. In a shy manner you let go of his hand abruptly.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You have been carrying a weight around with you that I can tell is putting you off your way.”

“You’ve noticed?” you wonder, and are once again surprised about how well Solas knows you. Sometimes you feared he read too much into what you said, but most of the time he was right about your disposition and you were thankful for the comfort he offered.

In response he only smiles. Eventually he turns around and his hands push away the twigs and bushes to make a path for you. You see a cliff, and behind it the clear blue ocean.  
As you walk past the natural green border that was hiding the cliff, you snort.

“I can’t believe it.” You stand in awe, but Solas walks until he stands at the edge in front of you. Your eyes widen.

“Fear soils the soul, Inquisitor.” he speaks and before you can grasp what he is trying to tell you, he jumps. 

“Wait!” You run ahead, try to grasp his wrist, but your fingers miss it by the blink of an eye. In doubt you lean over past the edge, but the fall is so steep that you cannot see him emerging. You are indeed at an incredibly high altitude. Were you supposed to meet him down there?

At once it hits you. This was not real - or you hoped it was not. It could not be real. You close your eyes and shake your head. There was only one way to go from here, you knew that. You take a few steps back, run, and finally, with your feet lifting off the ground--  
  


Your eyes open at once, in shock, then you blink slowly as you notice your surroundings, the green fabric of the tent, the dark night, pale shadows of trees. Upon seeing Solas seated next to you, you sigh in defeat.

“You could have warned me.” you bemoan quietly, turning to your side to face him.

“It would have ruined the purpose.” he explains. “Did you get to the other side of fear?” 

“I think I am still far from it.” you say discouraged.

“You will get there.” he encourages you, his fingers moving past your head gently.

“Why?” you ask, looking up past his hands. You know you do not need to ask him the full question, just as his hand knew his way around you; you knew each other without words.

“This area is known to breed fear. I know you are scared, _Vhenan_ , scared of what will follow. I used the energy of this place to show you that you can move past this. You will find a way to look at it with ease, you will overcome it. But right now, you cling to the feeling.”

“Is it wrong to cling to the feeling?” You move your face towards his hand, enjoying the ceaseless caressing.

“I do not think of it in terms of right and wrong. In fact I cling to feelings myself far too often.” he explains and you chuckle.

“I can tell.” you comment. “I enjoy that passionate nature of yours.”

“Perhaps a little too much?”

“Let me have this, Solas.” you purr, too comfortable with the touch of his hand. “Let me have that of you, if nothing else. I will take the fear, I will take the suffering, just let me have this.”

“You’ll suffer more in the long run.” he cautions, watching you compassionately.

“I’ll take it.” you repeat, taking his hand in both of yours and letting it rest close to your face. “I’ll take it all, and then, eventually, I’ll get to the other side.”

Solas watches you carefully but then chuckles in an amused fashion and nods. At last he lies down beside you and pulls you into his embrace.

“You are a beautiful and strong woman. I know you will.” he whispers softly.


End file.
